There’s a pubic hair in my soup. I’m pissed, because I paid for many more to be sprinkled on top.

“The bottom of a cup of coffee is not as good as the bottom of her body—which is…”

“At the bar, I asked her what she’d like to drink, hoping she’d reply, “Your sem…”

“I went dumpster diving the other day, and each of the judges gave me a perfect …”

“I’m glad scrambled eggs don’t have lips, because when I’m grinning over a heart…”