There’s too much nudity on TV, and not enough on the radio.

“I applied for an overnight stocking position at a supermarket, but I didn’t get…”

“If you only had 48 hours left to live, would you spend it like you normally spe…”

“My friends mess around with my friends—and my friends’ bikes. Sex with bicycles…”

“Apricots are like cute furry pets you can eat—legally.”