There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house.

“Have I ever been in love? Have your ears ever itched from inside your urethra?”

“Love is to beer as I am to drunk. And you say I’m not romantic. Shoot, I’m so r…”

“There should be a language called Nail, so I could more naturally say, “My nail…”

“My name is Al, but it’s not Al Falfa. You can’t eat me, damnit. At least not le…”