These times are hard, and so is my penis.

“Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For on…”

“My life was unbalanced. That is, until I found love and grew a second leg.”

“Hemingway suggested you write the truest sentence you know. I say write the fal…”

“A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I’ll never see again. …”