To me, a good friend is one who doesn't talk, but who listens all the time. Someone who is observant. Someone who wiretaps your phone lines. I consider myself a good friend.

“The sign said don’t do it, so naturally I did it. Signs are always saying stuff…”

“I asked myself a question, but I wouldn’t answer, because it was too personal. …”

“Too much much is a dangerous thing. But not as dangerous as danger itself.”

“I always get whiplash when I have sex in the backseat. Boy, I sure wish Grandmo…”