Trying to stay within my budget, I bought napkins instead of underwear. They’re not as comfortable to wear, but less likely to offend when I wipe my hands on them in a crowded restaurant.

“If I had an orange penis, and an erection, I might take offense at carrot eater…”

“I’m twice as twice as the guy in second place. My love comes first.”

“I’m half naked. The question is not, Am I getting dressed or undressed? the que…”

“Who wants to be the unsung heroes of my voiceless choir quartet? We’re the Hele…”