Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, why don’t you go all out and write in Lucifer on the ballot?

“I won't discuss non-discussable things with her, like the sound of silence or t…”

“I had a dream where I drank my own grandma. What she was doing disguised as a b…”

“I own my own shoelaces, but my shoes I rent by the bowling game.”

“My niece just turned one. I gave her a birthday card that read, "If you can rea…”