We made love like water makes life, and thinking about it makes me so horny I’m thirsty. My cup runneth over, but if I want to play, I have to protect myself with a jockstrap.

“If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I hav…”

“A root vegetable went missing. Maybe it will turnip in my next bad pun.”

“I wear brown shirts to protect against the combination of coffee and clumsiness…”

“One thing my grandpa taught me was never fall asleep while swimming. Or, rather…”