We’re going to go in the back room as two singles, copulate back there, and come out a couple. Somebody go tell my clone where I am so he doesn’t go file a missing person’s report on himself.

“On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, …”

“I got stood up. I wasn’t mad, because at the time I was in a wheelchair.”

“I know a man who used to be a millionaire before 2007. Now he’s poor and moppin…”

“When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundr…”