What has four wooden legs and hangs out in a bar? If you answered a barstool, you’ve apparently never partied with a pack of pirates.

“When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant.”

“The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago.”

“Five sicks people in the hospital (56). I made each one a “Get well soon” card …”

“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.”