What you consider gross—dead rats—I consider considerate gifts.

“I asked her out on a date, and she said, “Sorry, I can’t see you.” “That’s no p…”

“I’ll drink out of your bra, because I’m thirsty for your love.”

“I have women all over the world. In New York, London, Los Angeles. I think what…”

“I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.”