What’s the point of being the first to arrive? Nobody is there to witness your commitment.

“Pride must be a summer thing, because it "comes before the fall.”

“I’m underwater on my mortgage, and I have a flooded movie theater for rent. Scu…”

“I invented underwear with only one leg hole, for people who like to concentrate…”

“If green is envy and blue is depression, then I’m feeling quite turquoise right…”