When he misbehaves, I’ll clap and then point at my cat, as if transmitting the sting of the slap towards him in punishment.

“I bowl like I masturbate: with two hands. I should run for Congress.”

“A brick could be used as a yes, and a blanket could be a no. Make your life so …”

“I covered up my mistakes—with dirt, like you’d do with any other dead bodies.”

“A brick could be an object to measure your life against. Are you square, rigid,…”