When I couldn’t grow a full beard I took it as a sign from God to grow a mustache instead.

“When I was a kid, I’d leave my door cracked with a piece of lint on top, and if…”

“My forehead is starting to get wrinkled, but you’d hardly notice it because all…”

“I live in Florida, and when people ask how close to the beach I am, I say, “Twe…”

“I couldn’t make a free throw if the basket were as big as the Grand Canyon. But…”