When I first heard merry-go-round, I thought, “Does she? I didn’t know Mary was a slut.

“I’ve only been with my girlfriend for three days, but it feels like a lifetime—…”

“A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—pe…”

“Right now I have a milk mustache. I grew it on a cattle ranch, and then glued i…”

“I can’t offer you anything to drink, but I can offer you an excuse. Would you l…”