When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact dead. 


“You can smuggle anything into an event inside empty pizza boxes. Carrying pizza…”

“I want to laugh hysterically into a bucket of water, have my humor imprinted on…”

“My mouth is often wounded by my sharp words, so sometimes when I’m out in publi…”

“Reflecting on myself—it can be introspective, depending on if I’m standing in f…”