When I go to the bar, I never drink much. And to do that I avoid conversations, as silence reduces saliva and swallowing, which is drinking.

“We made love like an earthquake, which was nice because neither one of us had t…”

“The idea of adultery is like a soccer ball. Yeah, you might kick it around for …”

“A blanket could be used to ward off warts. I tested it out last Tuesday on my A…”

“I want a piece of apple pie so large I could wedge a For Sale sign in it and ma…”