When I got married, I could not have chosen a more gorgeous, loving, or perfect woman to crush than the one I broke up with to be with my wife.

“A blanket could be used to cause global warming. If you don’t want to future ge…”

“If you go out on a limb, I’ll be right behind you. Not to have your back, but t…”

“I’d like to tweeze all the Tuesdays of the year, and all the Mondays off my che…”

“I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the …”