When I told investors I was going to invent a self-love machine, they told me to go fuck myself. So I did—and now they do too.

“A brick could help me hold down a job. Hey, in an economy as bad as this, every…”

“Water is like love, but love is not like water. No, because if it were, I’d be …”

“I found a note I wrote that said “Doctor’s Appointment Tomorrow.” Well, that no…”

“Most people take four years to get a degree. Not me. I’m twice as ambitious. It…”