When I visit England, I want to bring back the best souvenir an American can get: a British accent.

“A brick could be used to keep yourself warm, and a blanket could be used in the…”

“To let her imagine how great a lover I’d be, I ate soup with chopsticks. She we…”

“A brick could be used in a knee replacement surgery, to build back the wall sep…”

“Once the orange juice wears off, I might be drunk. I love vodka.”