When I’m 42, I’ll have 21 years of experience being 21. I’ll be doubly prepared to handle myself in a bar, most likely by avoiding them altogether.

“I know she is going on vacation, so I knitted her a sweater. It matches the bat…”

“This book does not exist. And even if it did, it wouldn’t be worth buying or re…”

“Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper whil…”

“Maybe I could hear better if my ears weren’t flipped inside out. Unlike a cat’s…”