When I’m feeling down, I make myself a big bowl of Up Soup. The bowl only looks empty, but in reality it’s full of hope. Grab a spoon, there’s plenty for both of us.

“As the sound a duck makes, I feel qualified to give medical advice. My wisdom w…”

“Good friends are like appendages. It's painful to lose one, and crippling to lo…”

“Inappropriate interview question #7: Are you into retirement home butt sex?”

“I am the alligator of love. But I’d make better boots than a lover.”