When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!

“This work is the link between my Dear Natalie piece and my upcoming Agatha work…”

“I’ll piss in a cup for you. You can run a drug test on it, or you can drink it.”

“This book does not exist. And even if it did, it wouldn’t be worth buying or re…”

“A brick could be used to keep a level head. I don’t mean remaining rational, I …”