When you’re as ugly as I am, you need all the beauty sleep you can get. I’ll be in the restroom resting if you need me. Knock three times so I know it’s you and not a hooker dressed like a cop.

“There’s a faint whiff of feces wafting up my nostrils. But that’s natural, beca…”

“As a person, I have to claim my persona as my own. If I don’t, my clone will do…”

“A brick could be used to send Satan back from whence he came. But where did he …”

“If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup…”