With Mildred Feeblemeister dead, I’m now the world’s 77th greatest grandmother.

“I yelled at my cat to knock it off, and sure enough, he did. And it broke.”

“If I worked at a Laundromat, I’d steal money, and if I worked at a bank, I’d st…”

“In this economic recession, I have resorted to wearing my lucky underwear to jo…”

“It’s December in Florida, and there are still a few leaves clinging on the bran…”