With the economic depression and unemployment at record levels, at least I have an excuse to be a bum. I can blame Washington DC, rather than my lazy sense of entitlement.

“I’ll keep you in my heart forever, just so long as you don’t clog up my arterie…”

“A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person dro…”

“Two days ago, Tuesday at 10:10 am, I gave birth to a bagel. And God commanded m…”

“I mined my clone’s thoughts. I hope he doesn’t mind.”