With the rising cost of food, either the portions get smaller, or the quality gets inferior. So, for example, pizza that used to taste like cardboard now tastes like carpet. Unvacuumed carpet, because I asked for lots of toppings.

“We all have to have something to hold on to, even if it’s our own torso.”

“Is my conversation putting you to sleep, or is the rufie I slipped in your dog …”

“Most people buy the highest quality television sets, only to watch the lowest q…”

“My body had some sort of reaction to my erection, and the only thing I could th…”