Would it make you more comfortable if I wore a condom while I shook your hand? I could wear it on my penis, or stretch it over my hand. I don’t know these things. I’m new to politics.

“It’s times like these I wish I had a watch. It’d also be nice if it was broken.…”

“When I’m 42, I’ll have 21 years of experience being 21. I’ll be doubly prepared…”

“Thomas Jefferson is by far the smartest president,” said Thomas Jefferson, abou…”

“I ran across an old friend of mine yesterday, and I didn’t even attempt to hit …”