Yesterday was my last day at work. My coworkers were so sad they all pitched in and bought me a one-way ticket to Seattle, and a bottle of cyanide in case I get thirsty.

“His name was Chase, so to make things interesting, I gave him a bit of a head s…”

“If people lived to be a thousand years old, there’d be extreme inequality, base…”

“I was rubbing the pieces of bacon like they were strands of a lover’s hair. Of …”

“Catholic, Episcopalian, I won’t have sects with you.”