You don’t offend me. At least not until I change my name. Once I change it to Asshole, then I might be offended you keep calling me Jarod.

“She was a tall drink of water, and I was a glass half full kind of guy—half ful…”

“An ideal first date should involve things like a candle-lit dinner, soft music,…”

“I want to design sleeveless jackets for armless men. I'm still trying to work o…”

“If my last name were Drinkfood, I’d pour you a hot cup of spaghetti. And if my …”