You get used to success and you start to expect it—and that’s when you fail. Luckily for me, I can’t possibly fail, precisely because I always fail.

“I had a religious experience at a crosswalk.”

“I’d imagine if you called me Cherry Cheeks, it’d make me blush like a salad.”

“Question for your life: If your face looked like your ass, and I’m not implying…”

“To save space and money, Thor and my mom work in the same office, which is basi…”