You haven’t lived until you’ve wiped your ass with a pile of sand. Toilet paper doesn’t measure eternity the way the sands of time do.

“I like spending time with my family. And if you have the same last name as me, …”

“In the epicenter of Epcot Center you’ll find me hiding, 333 miles away.”

“I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes …”

“The leftover remains of a human brainstorm might make tasty soup”