You like vodka, and I like carpet cleaner. You should try it. It’ll put hair on your chest—really clean hair. Grandpa said it would make me a better lover, but I made me a better lover—and I made it out of clay.

“I nearly ran him over after he ran out in front of my car. So I slammed on the …”

“A brick is a baton, as it passes from a civilization in ruin to one on the rise…”

“I wanted to say Thank You in sign language, but instead I sneezed and ended up …”

“I am quite possibly the world's bravest coward. I have never backed down from b…”