You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen.

“Question for your life: If your face looked like your ass, and I’m not implying…”

“A brick could be used to perpetually feed the hungry, stop all wars, educate th…”

“If love were seaweed, I’d ask myself one question: Are you the sort of person w…”

“Pizza is circular. So is an hour. I’ll take two slices—to go.”