Your dog looks dirty. You could give it a bath, or I could piss on it for free. Or you could pay me to piss on it, that’d work too.

“I have a whisper like a zipper. Your secret is safe in my pants.”

“I want to meet a woman named Sherry who only drinks brandy, and a woman named B…”

“I’m not a bicycle. Don’t try to ride me and leave me in the garage. I’m a tread…”

“I am going to think of you every time I don't have sex. So that'll mean I'll al…”