Guys as a gender have one giant collective delusion of grandeur.

Aisha Tyler

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I'm my own boss and my boss is a total ass.

Aisha Tyler

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I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being.
Sadly, my being's fibers need to hit the gym.

Aisha Tyler

Tags: wordplay

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I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry. I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.

Aisha Tyler

Tags: humor visualization

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Just give me a second to get my wind back. Who the hell put that pole there?

Aisha Tyler

Tags: humor

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How can you not tweet? How else will people know what you ate for breakfast or what you are listening to on Spotify or what your gamerscore is? Ridiculous. Not tweeting is not an option. I am a dolt for even suggesting it.

Aisha Tyler

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