On the off chance that you have children, don't clean up at all. As children, my brother and sister and I loved waking up early and playing cocktail party with the leftover debris

Amy Sedaris


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I'm drawn to people who look different. I'm not exploiting. I'm not making fun of them. I'm drawn to them.

Amy Sedaris


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I don't mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I'm not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am.

Amy Sedaris

Tags: life suicide aging



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Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.

Amy Sedaris

Tags: romance relationships jokes dates



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My mother always said 'Don't bother other people.' I think that's good advice.

Amy Sedaris

Tags: life advice mothers



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Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.

Amy Sedaris

Tags: life advice love men women romance relationships jewelry dating affairs



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I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.

Amy Sedaris

Tags: alone self-knowledge being-alone



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Poof! It's magic!

Amy Sedaris


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Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.

Amy Sedaris

Tags: paraphrased humour



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Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.

Amy Sedaris

Tags: humor pets



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