Who is this man I’m supposed to interview, this man whose last name is the same as the color of my sweatpants? Is that a sign?
Andrew ShafferTags: humor
It’s fifteen minutes until two when I arrive – just in time for the interview. I walk through the glass doors and into the lobby, which is also floor-to-ceiling glass and steel. This fascinates me, because buildings back in Portland are made of grass and mud.
Andrew ShafferTags: humor
Stop it, girl. There’s no way he’s five-years-old. Or one hundred. He’s probably like every other CEO on the planet: Late twenties, handsome in that geeky sort of way, and just as awkward as you. I breathe a sigh of relief, because I know I’m probably right.
Andrew ShafferTags: humor
Mr. Gray,” I mutter. He’s smiling again like the Big Bad Wolf who wants to eat me. And boy, do I want him to eat m–
“I just happened to be in the area,” he says, cutting off my internal monologue. “I needed to pick up a few supplies, and here you are. What a pleasant surprise.” His voice is cool and husky like a Wendy’s Frosty shake, with just a little bit of grit (also like a Frosty).
No man is an island,” he says. “Islands are made of dirt and rocks and trees. I don’t know any people made of such things. Therefore, people are not islands.
Andrew ShafferI like my tea like I like my men,” I say. With the last name “Grey.” But I realize that’s too forward, so I add, “Black.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“I mean, not that I exclusively like black men,” I say, trying to recover. “I like other kinds of tea. And men.”
“Have you ever tasted...white tea, Anna?
Tags: humour
My shift isn’t over until six,” I say glumly.
“Hold on,” he says. He pulls a Blackberry from his coat pocket and taps out a text. It buzzes, and he taps out another text before stashing it back in his pocket. “I think you can take the rest of the afternoon off.”
“I only have a week left, but my boss would kill me,” I say.
“I’m your boss, Anna.”
“What do you mean?”
There’s that smile again, the one with all those teeth. “I just bought Walmart,” he says.
Tags: humour
For the first time since he showed up in my checkout lane, I let my eyes wander the full length of his body. The bulge in his running down the side of his pants leg is quite noticeable; either he has a banana in his pocket, or he’s happy to see me. Then I notice a similar bulge running down the side of his other pants leg. Either he has two bananas in his pockets, or he has two erections.
Andrew ShafferTags: humour
The building is a ginormous 175-story office building that juts into the sky like a glass and steel erection.
Andrew ShafferTags: humor
She hands me a security badge that says VIRGIN.
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