In the opening to the Mary Tyler Moore Show Mary's in the supermarket, hurrying through the aisles. She pauses at the meat case, picks up a steak and checks the price. Then rolls her eyes, shrugs and tosses it in the cart. That's kind of how I feel. Sure I would have liked things to be different. But, 'roll of eyes' what can you do? 'shrug' I threw the meat in my cart and moved on.
Augusten BurroughsTags: humor
My mother is from Cairo, Georgia. This makes everything she says sound like it went through a curling iron.
Augusten BurroughsMy brother was born without taste or the desire to be professionally lit.
Augusten BurroughsI, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
Augusten BurroughsTags: individuality flaws
Sometimes when you work in advertising you'll get a product that's really garbage and you have to make it seem fantastic, something that is essential to the continued quality of life.
Augusten BurroughsTags: first-sentence
I couldn't help but think, This car is taking me to a mental hospital and my mother is treating it like open-mic night at a Greenwich Village café.
Augusten BurroughsTracy, the leader of the CDH group, looks at me with eyes that seem to belong to someone three times her age. It's something beyond wisdom, all the way to insanity and back. It's like her eyes are scarred from all the things she's seen.
Augusten BurroughsMy mother began to go crazy. Not in a 'Let's paint the kitchen red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwhich, I am God' sort of way.
Augusten BurroughsWe were young. We were bored. And the old electroshock therapy machine was just under the stairs in a box next to the Hoover.
Augusten BurroughsHe's a really nice guy, if only I weren't me.
Augusten BurroughsPage 1 of 30.
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