When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

Billy Connolly

Tags: humor lost



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A fart is just your arse applauding.

Billy Connolly


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Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on.

Billy Connolly


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Fuck the begrudgers

Billy Connolly


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Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life!

Billy Connolly


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I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

Billy Connolly


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Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.

Billy Connolly

Tags: happiness marriage expectation



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I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

Billy Connolly

Tags: belief christianity god religion atheism angels skepticism



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Wisdom is the contant questioning of where you are. And when you stop wanting to know, you're dea. You're walking, but you're dead.

Billy Connolly


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Oh, I can picture myself rattling along Route 66 on that thing, headphones on, singing along to ZZ Top's 'Sharp Dressed Man' or the opening line from 'Born to be Wild' by Steppenwolf - 'Get your motor running...' The trike brings out that in all of us, which is no bad thing. Forget Viagra, get yourself a trike!

Billy Connolly

Tags: humor travel route-66



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