I felt like I had proof that not all days are the same length, not all time has the same weight. Proof that there are worlds and worlds and worlds on top of worlds, if you want them to be there.
Carol Rifka BruntMy mother gave me a disappointed look. Then I gave her one back. Mine was for everything, not just the sandwich.
Carol Rifka BruntTags: disappointment
The sun kept on with its slipping away, and I thought how many small good things in the world might be resting on the shoulders of something terrible.
Carol Rifka BruntWe walked downtown in the rain, both of us sucking on those hot, spicy mints we hadn't meant to buy. When the spiciness started to kick in, I almost spat mine out, but then I didn't. I thought it was good to test yourself sometimes. It was good to see how much you could take.
Carol Rifka BruntI knew the way lost hopes could be dangerous, how they could turn a person into someone they never thought they'd be.
Carol Rifka BruntI need to figure out the secret. I need to work out how to keep things flying back to me instead of always flying away.
Carol Rifka BruntTags: friendship love loss relationships lonliness
That's what being shy feels like. Like my skin is too thin, the light too bright. Like the best place I could possibly be is in a tunnel far under the cool, dark earth. Someone asks me a question and I stare at them, empty-faced, my brain jammed up with how hard I'm trying to find something interesting to say. And in the end, all I can do is nod or shrug, because the light of their eyes looking at me, waiting for me, is just too much to take. And then it's over and there's one more person in the world who thinks I'm a complete and total waste of space.
The worst thing is the stupid hopefulness. Every new party, every new bunch of people, and I start thinking that maybe this is my chance. That I'm going to be normal this time. A new leaf. A fresh start. But then I find myself at the party, thinking, Oh, yeah. This again.
So I stand on the edge of things, crossing my fingers, praying nobody will try to look me in the eye. And the good thing is, they usually don't.
I was in a place where nobody knew my heart even a little bit.
Carol Rifka BruntTags: tell-the-wolves-i-m-home
Because maybe I don't want to leave the planet invisible. Maybe I need at least one person to remember something about me.
Carol Rifka BruntTags: toby
I really wondered why people were always doing what they didn't like doing. It seemed like life was a sort of narrowing tunnel. Right when you were born, the tunnel was huge. You could be anything. Then, like, the absolute second after you were born, the tunnel narrowed down to about half that size. You were a boy, and already it was certain you wouldn't be a mother and it was likely you wouldn't become a manicurist or a kindergarten teacher. Then you started to grow up and everything you did closed the tunnel in some more. You broke your arm climbing a tree and you ruled out being a baseball pitcher. You failed every math test you ever took and you canceled any hope of being a scientist. Like that. On and on through the years until you were stuck. You'd become a baker or a librarian or a bartender. Or an accountant. And there you were. I figured that on the day you died, the tunnel would be so narrow, you'd have squeezed yourself in with so many choices, that you just got squashed.
Carol Rifka BruntPage 1 of 8.
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