Feelings are like blankets, covering you up so you can't see clearly, or like mazes you can too easily get lost inside. I am terrified of getting lost.
Corey Ann HayduTags: inspirational love feelings ocd
It's like, I'm scared and there're a lot of ugly things, but I'd rather be shipwrecked on this lovely island than safe in a sad, gray cell.
Corey Ann HayduTags: hope taking-chances
Therapists. Always asking the same questions over and over in slightly different ways. They are, like, the Ultimate Thesauruses.
Corey Ann HayduIt feels like giving up.
It feels like falling into bed after an all-night rave.
It feels that right.
It's surrender. It's that thing I have been searching for.
I close my eyes and make a wish that I'll stop having OCD so that I can be a decent friend again. If I want it badly enough, hopefully it will come true.
Corey Ann HayduTags: ocd
I try Dr. Pat's breathing exercises but they're not working because my entire mind is focused on keeping myself glued to the couch. I don't want to move any closer to the bathroom just in case. But I hate myself for the thought. I know it's not right or normal. I know I'm not simply some cute quirky girl like Beck says, and every moment I can't get off the couch is a moment that makes me one level crazier. That heavy, pre-crying feeling floods my sinuses and I drop my head from the weight of it. Cover my face with my hands long enough to get out a cry or two. Because there is nothing, nothing worse than not being able to undo the crazy thoughts. I ask them to leave, but they won't. I try to ignore them, but the only thing that works is giving in to them.
Torture: knowing something makes no sense, doing it anyway.
Tags: ocd
Carrying all of these thoughts is downright heavy.
Corey Ann HayduTags: ocd
I think of everything and I'm pretty sure if I could use my organizational skills for something else, like wildlife survival kits or preparing people for nuclear warfare, I'd be a millionaire. Or at the very least actually a useful human being.
Corey Ann HayduTags: ocd
Torture: knowing something makes no sense, doing it anyway.
Corey Ann HayduI guess I wonder what it would be like, to be living their live instead of mine.
Corey Ann HayduPage 1 of 2.
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