The best Quotes on Earth!

I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously. 

Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you’ll never forget the sound of her voice. 

Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god. 

I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand? 

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken. 

If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder. 

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible. 

I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.  

If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal. 

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