Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor camping



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Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor dieting



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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor gravity



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If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor animals toads



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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor work business meetings



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If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor babies drool



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The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor sports football ice-fishing ice-skating skiing snow-camping snowboarding



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Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor society



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Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor time plumbers



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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

Dave Barry

Tags: humor dieting



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