Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.

Dennis Miller


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Quote: You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay?

Dennis Miller


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A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods.

Dennis Miller


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When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.

Dennis Miller


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A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Dennis Miller

Tags: humor police lol tracking



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America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.

Dennis Miller

Tags: humor



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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

Dennis Miller

Tags: humorous-quotes



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It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.

Dennis Miller

Tags: inspiration



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There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

Dennis Miller

Tags: humorous-quotes



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And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow

Dennis Miller

Tags: feminism prochoice



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