Good. Illegal is always faster.

Eoin Colfer

Tags: crime expediency

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Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

Eoin Colfer

Tags: humor knowledge confidence ignorance

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If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.

Eoin Colfer

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Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make.

Eoin Colfer

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I don't like lollipops.

Eoin Colfer

Tags: humor artemis-fowl-jr

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Trust me. I'm a genius.

Eoin Colfer

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What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

Eoin Colfer

Tags: humor signs wolves barbecue bbq wolf

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Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something."
Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?

Eoin Colfer

Tags: humor insults girlfriend puberty

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No Fletcher. Wake up, boy. Those are the flames of Hell. Dermont dropped out of school, so that's where he's headed. See the little horns? -Ms. Quinn

Eoin Colfer

Tags: half-moon-investigations

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If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

Eoin Colfer

Tags: humor

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