Say Goodnight Gracie.

George Burns


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Young. Old. Just Words.

George Burns


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I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.

George Burns


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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

George Burns

Tags: sex old-age



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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

George Burns

Tags: sex naughty old-times



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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

George Burns

Tags: life



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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

George Burns


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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

George Burns

Tags: humor religion brevity



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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

George Burns

Tags: humor age



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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

George Burns

Tags: humor happiness family



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