When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Henny Youngman

Tags: humor-reading-drinking



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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

Henny Youngman

Tags: humor



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Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away.

Henny Youngman


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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Henny Youngman

Tags: humor-atheism



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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

Henny Youngman


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When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.

Henny Youngman

Tags: rabp



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Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Henny Youngman

Tags: men women marriage relationships funny



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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Henny Youngman


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If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving.

Henny Youngman


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„Докторът казал на един пациент, че му остават още 6 месеца жевот. Пациентът не можал да си плати сметката, и докторът му дал още 6 месеца.

Henny Youngman


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