Mr. Lollipop, do I look like a sucker to you?
Jarod KintzThe only thing that stays the same is change.
Jarod KintzLove is like trying to wrestle an albino. It’s tough because they’re slippery and all lubed up with sunscreen.
Jarod KintzThe government wants to be aware of all your movements—probably including your bowel movements. Ain’t that some shit?
Jarod KintzMondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.
Jarod KintzI heard everything you said, listened to half, and agreed with a quarter. And 12.5% isn’t bad—if you’re collecting that in interest on money you lent out.
Jarod KintzDisregard my order to disregard my order. And that’s an order.
Jarod KintzI carry all of my childhood memories in my mind. But maybe that’s not the best place for them. Well, you’ve got some extra space in your closet. Do you think I could store them there?
Jarod KintzI need to lay low for a while. I’ll be on my stomach, trying not to arch my back (damn scoliosis).
Jarod KintzI think you’re funny, and the toilet sounds like a soda can opening when it flushes. It’s a diet soda, so it’s less filling and more fattening.
Jarod KintzPage 1 of 658.
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