So Achmed if you've been in my suitcase this entire time how have you been getting through security? Oh thats easy they open the suitcase and i say 'ello my name is lindey lohan!

Jeff Dunham


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WHAT! WE CANT TALK AT THE SAME TIME! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, WE CAN'T DO IT! Peanut. WHAT! You said my name wrong. No it's Jeff Dun-ham. No it's dunham, No dun-ham. No dunha. No you see it says dunham jeff dun-HAM. Actually if you look at it, it say jef f dunham .com

Jeff Dunham

Tags: humor



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Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Knock, knock.
Jeff Dunham: Who's there?
Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Me, I kill you!

Jeff Dunham


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Jef-f, Dun-Ham, dot com!!

Jeff Dunham

Tags: humor jeff-dunham



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jose jaliopinio on a stick" do you like bmw's (big mexican weman)

Jeff Dunham


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Oh, so how did the marrige counsling go?


Well let's just say after it was over there where two people who thought I was an ass. And i was paying both of 'um.

Jeff Dunham

Tags: comady



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Walter: Do you see this lovely young lady sitting right here in the front row? Do you see her? Do you see her?
Jeff: Yeah.
Walter: Oh well!

Jeff Dunham


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Jeff: The drive from the valley?
Peanut: Was bad as hell!
Jeff: Traffic?
Peanut: Sucked like hell!
Jeff: Drivers?
Peanut: Angry as hell!
Jeff: And you?
Peanut: Were scared as hell!
Jeff: Parking?
Peanut: Sucked more like hell!
Jeff: So?
Peanut: We're in hell!

Jeff Dunham


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Look, I know I didn't finish school but that frickin' says 'Sa ntah ah nah!

Jeff Dunham


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Jeff: You know, you don't have to do this.
Walter: Yeah, I could get a real job.
Jeff: What would you do?
Walter: I wanna be a greeter at Wal-Mart.
Walter: What the hell's so funny?
Jeff: At Wal-Mart, what would be your opening line?
Walter: Oh.
Walter: Welcome to Wal-Mart. Get your shit and get out!
Walter: Have a nice day!

Jeff Dunham


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